Bloody Smug Marrieds. ARGHHHHHhhhhhh!!!!!!

I bloody hate smug marrieds, I really do. 

Everything you pay for is half price: rent, bills, car tax, wine, hotels, household stuff. You look down your noses at us singles for living some kind of carefree, easy life, but we have to earn twice as much and work twice as hard to live the life that you do. Nobody takes my bins out, fixes my sink, fetches the tall stuff that I can't reach: I do. Nobody pays half of my rent, half of my bills or car tax: I pay it all. I even have to pay a sodding supplement on a holiday for NOT being smug married. I mean, seriously???

To add a final boot in my single backside, I pay more tax because I earn more to afford the same stuff that you pay half for and then my tax money pays for your kids. Whilst you work part-time because you have said kids. How is this fair? 

The entire World is geared towards smug marrieds. Being single at my age is like having a fatal disease. I am WAY beyond people asking if I have a boyfriend now because it's now deemed as too embarrassing to bring up.I am becoming too old for people to even dare ask the question.

Whereas I spend my weeks listening to your baby stories, padding across the plush carpets as you flash off your new 3 bed semi and grinning inanely as I look through the 43rd wedding album of the year (and yes, I know, it's only January), when are you going to ask me who was the last person that I had fabulous, rampant sex with? Don't you want to know how many wines I had on Friday night or the fact that I only had one night's sleep this weekend? No, you don't, because society deems these things to be socially unacceptable. If you do ask, it's for the shock factor and seems like I live an hilarious life. I don't, most Singletons live this way! Anything remotely outside of relationship or baby news just isn't social fodder.

I've just survived one of the most-dreaded times of the year by all Singletons: Christmas. December was murder. Had it not been for two smug married couples that are the exception to the rule, I would have been spending it alone. Nobody invited me over as it's a family time, so it would have been me and the cats. What happens to all of that family charity that you have at these times? You want me to invite you out to my fabulous singleton Christmas Eve or New Years Eve parties, but wouldn't pause to include me in your Christmas Day festivities? Nice.

Throughout the year, I am Little Miss Sociable. I'm the organiser in our group and I host dinners, BBQ's, parties...you name it and you all come along and have a great time with my hospitality. Where's my Easter, Christmas or holiday invitations? I organise events that all can come to (as smug marrieds have a limited budget because most money is spent on being smug married), but smug marrieds don't organise karaoke or dancing nights for me that don't involve you having to leave at 1am.

And finally, whilst i'm at it, let me  tell you something. Us singletons do not have unfulfilled flings that can't possibly be deeply satisfying: FACT: That's why we have fuck-buddies. We get the same familiarity that you see in your favourite slippers whilst still remaining single. Also, I know how often you smug marrieds are ACTUALLY partaking in this fabulously satisfying familiar smug married sex and it's CERTAINLY not often enough to call it familiar.

Next time you're booking your holiday or moaning about your rent, think again, because us "carefree" singletons certainly do not have it easy. We may choose to be single (I know, shock-horror at the very thought), but it's certainly not easy.