Alternative Uses for a Boiler

So, unbelievably, the boiler man came 2 hours early for my British Gas annual safety check.

I was in a towel, wet hair, face mask on...wonderful. The man (he was a very nice man), serviced boiler (but sadly not me) and left. Before he left me, he informed me that it's a serious fire risk to plug 7 plugs into one wall socket (ERR WELL WHAT ARE ADAPTERS FOR THEN???) and that the light should be hanging by more than one electric wire. Nonsense, it's been fine for 5 years.

Anyway, tonight I went to run hot water and guess what? It's COLD! So I call British Gas...press 1 for this, 2 for that...great, now press 1 for this, 2 for that...by the time I got through I was steaming. Huffing and puffing down phone saying he had broke boiler...the man replies:

"Have you switched it on"

I say:

"On? Of course not, all of the flipping lights are out, how can I switch it on???"

He says:

"At the wall, Madam"

I say:

"The boiler isn't plugged into anything - it's gas! (Stupid man)"

He says:

"The boiler is plugged in Madam, it's hard wired into a socket so you can switch it on to work"

So I say i'll have a look (totally not expecting to find a plug...)...

"Whoopsie...that switch was hidden by my onions..."

He replies:

"You hand your onions on your boiler???"

I hung up very quickly, I think I need a husband...fast.